In light of the fact that Fathers Day has just happened in Australia, I’d like to comment about the role that Dads have in the lives of their daughters.
Its been a bit of pet project for me in the last few years – dreaming about writing a book – a survival guide for fathers – Dads Dealing with Daughters – but I just haven’t gotten round to it – too afraid of failure I guess. Still on my journey too.
How a father deals with his daughter early in life is going to be a strong indicator of her latter success and how she relates to men during her development.
Ideally daughters rely on their fathers to provide protection, encouragement and a pool to draw self confidence. They need to rely on their fathers to use their power to protect and not harm them. If fathers misuse their strength – either intentionally or intentionally, through trying to dominate, control or intimidate their daughters, these women could go through life fearful and wary of men and their intentions.
Girls long for affection from their fathers or the dominant male figure in the family structure. From their fathers they learn how to be loved– what to expect from love and how to act around men. This is all researched to bits – there is a book by Dr Robinson on Daughters and their Dads which give studies about this. One of them was they there is direct correlation on girls having good relationships with their fathers at the age of 13, and the wellbeing mentally and physically when they are 33. The more a father spends with their daughters in the early years, the more empowered and confident they will be later on.
It seems that it doesn’t matter what socio economic a background a father comes from, similar needs and ‘ inefficiencies’ come about. Fathers have responsibilities as an employee –to their workplace, but equally they have responsibilities to their families – money can’t buy time. This money fixes attitude and approach to parenting ( very prevalent in our new generation) establishes a role model that means such shallow and selfish value systems are passed onto the next generation – often without any thought. No amount of money will replace the quality time and attention a child needs from parents. Children need your presence more than your presents
Good fathering helps girls feel confident, empowered and attractive. Girls will watch how her father reacts and treats her mother and then take this on as her expectation of how she will be treated and what to expect from a life partner.
This is pretty heavy stuff – very significant – especially in our society of either single parent or emotionally absent fathers.
Parenting – especially to men – can seem very alien. As a mother you just don’t get the choice to say – well there isn’t an instruction manual here – I don’t know what to do – you just do it – you just get on with the task at hand and do what you believe is the best. Many men think that early parenting is women’s business – and to an extent - breastfeeding, changing nappies, bathing babies – it can seem like that – but there is always something that can be done in its stead – to support and nurture the mother and to be involved. Fathers need to be involved from the start. Its not too late – as I have learned – even in your 30s to reconnect and get involved. One of you needs to take that first step - no time like the present – you certainly can’t cry over spilt milk.
Detachment is a important for any child’s growing identity, but in particular to girls when they become teenagers. It is here more than any time that they need to feel that they have support when they need it - not to be judged, that they are valued and trusted and be comfortable who they are.
Having positive male figures within a family is important for both boys and girls – but it is with the girls that this importance seems to be glossed over and misunderstood. Men especially need to recognize that every year of your children’s lives are precious and to spend such time with the from when they are babies. I see it in my kids now – and I am a stay at home mother – I wonder what happened to my babies…
Monday, September 8, 2008
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Standards set for Babies
The world has officially gone mad. In the newspaper today was an article with regards to educational standards set from birth – what the hell is going on?
“Babies will be assessed on their gurgling, babbling and toe-playing abilities when they are a few months old under a legally enforced national curriculum for children from birth to five published by the government yesterday.”
For more info check here – The UK Guardian
There is nothing to say that this will not flow on into Australia – or other parts of the world. Education particularly is becoming so entrenched in procedures and marking – its not about the joy of learning or sharing of information any longer. This sort of report makes me remember why I left teaching. We spent more time on individual learning programs and meeting expectations than we did in exploring what the kids were actually interested in. SATs ( a UK standard test done in primary and secondary schools) were a major contributor to stress levels for kids as young as 7 yrs. They understood from that age that if they didn’t measure up – then their scope for school which would accept them into secondary school was limited – and thus if they wanted to do anything further – even less options. That’s a huge amount of stress for a 7 year old – to be thinking about their future education at that age.
In the UK they have set standards now – click here – for the progression and development of children.
I find it astounding that the government thought it necessary to legislate what babies aught to be learning at day care. Apart from the whole debate on who aught to be in daycare and for how long etc – I personally want to know my child had FUN – they painted, they played with playhoh, read books and played with toys. I am absolutely of the opinion that learning happens everywhere and key concepts can be integrated within any activity ( and I do this with my kids) Its natural education – not enforced or pushed.
Julian Greneier comments on her blog about the early years legislation here. here
This framework in the UK was launched in March 2007 and will be enforced this month ( Sept 2008) It covers what carers need to undertake for the development of children until they are accepted into reception (prep – or the year they turn five)
I just have horrific thoughts of regimented learning – children of 2 sat behind desks and told they can’t go and play with the sand pit until they play with the playdoh and create 5 beads in front of them ( or some other ridiculous rigid measuring format)
In Aust Margaret Morrissy ( key speaker for the Parents and Citizens Association) viewed her concerns
here
An well known quote often attributed to the Jesuits is “Give me a child for the first seven years, and you may do what you like with him afterwards.” Intimating that by then all beliefs and habits have been deeply entrenched. I am unsure that’s what the Jesuits actually meant and I know this has been twisted out of context many times… but makes you think…
Something else to think about here too. In most Science fiction worlds where civilizations has been torn apart from within and humans have little free thought or beliefs apart from what the government or state will allow them ….. starts with the indoctrination of children and begins in nurseries, child care.. way before they hit school.. makes me a bit nervous….
“Babies will be assessed on their gurgling, babbling and toe-playing abilities when they are a few months old under a legally enforced national curriculum for children from birth to five published by the government yesterday.”
For more info check here – The UK Guardian
There is nothing to say that this will not flow on into Australia – or other parts of the world. Education particularly is becoming so entrenched in procedures and marking – its not about the joy of learning or sharing of information any longer. This sort of report makes me remember why I left teaching. We spent more time on individual learning programs and meeting expectations than we did in exploring what the kids were actually interested in. SATs ( a UK standard test done in primary and secondary schools) were a major contributor to stress levels for kids as young as 7 yrs. They understood from that age that if they didn’t measure up – then their scope for school which would accept them into secondary school was limited – and thus if they wanted to do anything further – even less options. That’s a huge amount of stress for a 7 year old – to be thinking about their future education at that age.
In the UK they have set standards now – click here – for the progression and development of children.
I find it astounding that the government thought it necessary to legislate what babies aught to be learning at day care. Apart from the whole debate on who aught to be in daycare and for how long etc – I personally want to know my child had FUN – they painted, they played with playhoh, read books and played with toys. I am absolutely of the opinion that learning happens everywhere and key concepts can be integrated within any activity ( and I do this with my kids) Its natural education – not enforced or pushed.
Julian Greneier comments on her blog about the early years legislation here. here
This framework in the UK was launched in March 2007 and will be enforced this month ( Sept 2008) It covers what carers need to undertake for the development of children until they are accepted into reception (prep – or the year they turn five)
I just have horrific thoughts of regimented learning – children of 2 sat behind desks and told they can’t go and play with the sand pit until they play with the playdoh and create 5 beads in front of them ( or some other ridiculous rigid measuring format)
In Aust Margaret Morrissy ( key speaker for the Parents and Citizens Association) viewed her concerns
here
An well known quote often attributed to the Jesuits is “Give me a child for the first seven years, and you may do what you like with him afterwards.” Intimating that by then all beliefs and habits have been deeply entrenched. I am unsure that’s what the Jesuits actually meant and I know this has been twisted out of context many times… but makes you think…
Something else to think about here too. In most Science fiction worlds where civilizations has been torn apart from within and humans have little free thought or beliefs apart from what the government or state will allow them ….. starts with the indoctrination of children and begins in nurseries, child care.. way before they hit school.. makes me a bit nervous….
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