Dads Dealing with Daughters

In light of the fact that Fathers Day has just happened in Australia, I’d like to comment about the role that Dads have in the lives of their daughters.

Its been a bit of pet project for me in the last few years – dreaming about writing a book – a survival guide for fathers – Dads Dealing with Daughters – but I just haven’t gotten round to it – too afraid of failure I guess. Still on my journey too.

How a father deals with his daughter early in life is going to be a strong indicator of her latter success and how she relates to men during her development.

Ideally daughters rely on their fathers to provide protection, encouragement and a pool to draw self confidence. They need to rely on their fathers to use their power to protect and not harm them. If fathers misuse their strength – either intentionally or intentionally, through trying to dominate, control or intimidate their daughters, these women could go through life fearful and wary of men and their intentions.

Girls long for affection from their fathers or the dominant male figure in the family structure. From their fathers they learn how to be loved– what to expect from love and how to act around men. This is all researched to bits – there is a book by Dr Robinson on Daughters and their Dads which give studies about this. One of them was they there is direct correlation on girls having good relationships with their fathers at the age of 13, and the wellbeing mentally and physically when they are 33. The more a father spends with their daughters in the early years, the more empowered and confident they will be later on.

It seems that it doesn’t matter what socio economic a background a father comes from, similar needs and ‘ inefficiencies’ come about. Fathers have responsibilities as an employee –to their workplace, but equally they have responsibilities to their families – money can’t buy time. This money fixes attitude and approach to parenting ( very prevalent in our new generation) establishes a role model that means such shallow and selfish value systems are passed onto the next generation – often without any thought. No amount of money will replace the quality time and attention a child needs from parents. Children need your presence more than your presents

Good fathering helps girls feel confident, empowered and attractive. Girls will watch how her father reacts and treats her mother and then take this on as her expectation of how she will be treated and what to expect from a life partner.

This is pretty heavy stuff – very significant – especially in our society of either single parent or emotionally absent fathers.

Parenting – especially to men – can seem very alien. As a mother you just don’t get the choice to say – well there isn’t an instruction manual here – I don’t know what to do – you just do it – you just get on with the task at hand and do what you believe is the best. Many men think that early parenting is women’s business – and to an extent - breastfeeding, changing nappies, bathing babies – it can seem like that – but there is always something that can be done in its stead – to support and nurture the mother and to be involved. Fathers need to be involved from the start. Its not too late – as I have learned – even in your 30s to reconnect and get involved. One of you needs to take that first step - no time like the present – you certainly can’t cry over spilt milk.

Detachment is a important for any child’s growing identity, but in particular to girls when they become teenagers. It is here more than any time that they need to feel that they have support when they need it - not to be judged, that they are valued and trusted and be comfortable who they are.

Having positive male figures within a family is important for both boys and girls – but it is with the girls that this importance seems to be glossed over and misunderstood. Men especially need to recognize that every year of your children’s lives are precious and to spend such time with the from when they are babies. I see it in my kids now – and I am a stay at home mother – I wonder what happened to my babies…