How is it that two perfectly normal, sensitive and apparently spiritually progressive people can tumble into the stone ages when the role of parenting breeches the walls of their love?
I had thought I had escaped the Victorian codes of conduct I grew up with when I met and married my dearheart. He had lived on his own for many years and was independent ( big tick) Yes when we live together the chores are equally divided, yes you cook and I’ll clean and then the next night we will swap, yes – lets go shopping for food together, yes you can choose to keep your maiden name when we marry, yes you can choose a natural birth, yes you can choose to work or stay at home when you become a mother, yes we will breastfeed on demand, yes our sex life will stay the same during pregnancy and afterwards forever.... and then baby arrives. You stumble through the days, aware of day or night, bleary eyed and constantly weeping. And everything starts to change.
It happens gradually, but it happens. Dishes pile up, washing stays on the line for a week or in the basket moldering. The house hasn’t been vacuumed for weeks and you can’t remember when the sheets were changed last. You are a stay at home mum, looking after children and apparently having a wonderful time because you don’t work and lets not forget the big one – you no longer earn any money. All that freedom and liberation you thought you had earn when you worked slips from your fingers like sand and just as impossible to regain as attempting to catch quicksilver.
Great lists of things to do, jobs and errands to run being piling up and you wonder when you had the time to work before you had children. Plates don’t get lifted from the table and washing piles in corners. (I have always refused to iron so at least that’s not an issue) I swing between scrupulously cleaning and tidying till the house shins like a new pin and giving up because I am the only one who seemingly cares or does anything about it. It wouldn’t be so bad except I get constantly snipped about the state of the house if I am the “I don’t care mode.”
And yes – I have tried a number of strategies – starting way back when my first was only a very new baby and hubbys job was to bathe him. I let it go for three days – baby had not been washed – despite me putting out all the gear and readying everything. Its still an issue – when I go out to my classes I need to ensure the kids have been bathed and dinner is in front of them – otherwise I come home and they are still racing round at 9 pm on a school night as dirty as pigs and eating biscuits. I keep thinking that its just me – and my high standards; so I do it all..
I doubt that its my own dearheart that is the only male guilty of this slippage back into the 1950s set of gender roles.
I read in forums and on the internet how parents share the roles, but in my circle of friends in my own experience, this is not happening. I wonder if these people are telling the truth for fear of being abnormal – or if I really am the only one? Breastfeeding was not a joy at 3 am in the middle of winter – creeping about not trying to wake hubby because he had to work the next day. I fear I have set the feminist movement back 50 years and am at a loss of how it happened or how to make it stop. I am sure many men underestimate the importance of and necessity for a strongly-involved male parenting role and the self-satisfaction one derives from it. Don’t get me wrong – I love being a mum – and really wouldn’t swap it for quids.
With some digging, I found that this was not always the case. Until the early 1800s, most child-rearing manuals were directed at men, who had the majority of the say about child-rearing. With the advance of industrialization, the father was more and more removed from the home. This resulted in females making more of the house and child rearing decisions. Ultimately this meant that men lost an integral part of the whole human experience with the shift in these decision making processes.
Many movies and television programs are now often showing the joys and pleasures of male parenting, and schools are now providing much-needed parenting training. I wonder however if this is enough – as there are just as many anti male role models ( The Simpsons, Californication, Marriage with Kids to name a few) although men are now becoming more emotionally available to their children than their fathers were, we have a long way to go.
Showing posts with label babies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label babies. Show all posts
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Standards set for Babies
The world has officially gone mad. In the newspaper today was an article with regards to educational standards set from birth – what the hell is going on?
“Babies will be assessed on their gurgling, babbling and toe-playing abilities when they are a few months old under a legally enforced national curriculum for children from birth to five published by the government yesterday.”
For more info check here – The UK Guardian
There is nothing to say that this will not flow on into Australia – or other parts of the world. Education particularly is becoming so entrenched in procedures and marking – its not about the joy of learning or sharing of information any longer. This sort of report makes me remember why I left teaching. We spent more time on individual learning programs and meeting expectations than we did in exploring what the kids were actually interested in. SATs ( a UK standard test done in primary and secondary schools) were a major contributor to stress levels for kids as young as 7 yrs. They understood from that age that if they didn’t measure up – then their scope for school which would accept them into secondary school was limited – and thus if they wanted to do anything further – even less options. That’s a huge amount of stress for a 7 year old – to be thinking about their future education at that age.
In the UK they have set standards now – click here – for the progression and development of children.
I find it astounding that the government thought it necessary to legislate what babies aught to be learning at day care. Apart from the whole debate on who aught to be in daycare and for how long etc – I personally want to know my child had FUN – they painted, they played with playhoh, read books and played with toys. I am absolutely of the opinion that learning happens everywhere and key concepts can be integrated within any activity ( and I do this with my kids) Its natural education – not enforced or pushed.
Julian Greneier comments on her blog about the early years legislation here. here
This framework in the UK was launched in March 2007 and will be enforced this month ( Sept 2008) It covers what carers need to undertake for the development of children until they are accepted into reception (prep – or the year they turn five)
I just have horrific thoughts of regimented learning – children of 2 sat behind desks and told they can’t go and play with the sand pit until they play with the playdoh and create 5 beads in front of them ( or some other ridiculous rigid measuring format)
In Aust Margaret Morrissy ( key speaker for the Parents and Citizens Association) viewed her concerns
here
An well known quote often attributed to the Jesuits is “Give me a child for the first seven years, and you may do what you like with him afterwards.” Intimating that by then all beliefs and habits have been deeply entrenched. I am unsure that’s what the Jesuits actually meant and I know this has been twisted out of context many times… but makes you think…
Something else to think about here too. In most Science fiction worlds where civilizations has been torn apart from within and humans have little free thought or beliefs apart from what the government or state will allow them ….. starts with the indoctrination of children and begins in nurseries, child care.. way before they hit school.. makes me a bit nervous….
“Babies will be assessed on their gurgling, babbling and toe-playing abilities when they are a few months old under a legally enforced national curriculum for children from birth to five published by the government yesterday.”
For more info check here – The UK Guardian
There is nothing to say that this will not flow on into Australia – or other parts of the world. Education particularly is becoming so entrenched in procedures and marking – its not about the joy of learning or sharing of information any longer. This sort of report makes me remember why I left teaching. We spent more time on individual learning programs and meeting expectations than we did in exploring what the kids were actually interested in. SATs ( a UK standard test done in primary and secondary schools) were a major contributor to stress levels for kids as young as 7 yrs. They understood from that age that if they didn’t measure up – then their scope for school which would accept them into secondary school was limited – and thus if they wanted to do anything further – even less options. That’s a huge amount of stress for a 7 year old – to be thinking about their future education at that age.
In the UK they have set standards now – click here – for the progression and development of children.
I find it astounding that the government thought it necessary to legislate what babies aught to be learning at day care. Apart from the whole debate on who aught to be in daycare and for how long etc – I personally want to know my child had FUN – they painted, they played with playhoh, read books and played with toys. I am absolutely of the opinion that learning happens everywhere and key concepts can be integrated within any activity ( and I do this with my kids) Its natural education – not enforced or pushed.
Julian Greneier comments on her blog about the early years legislation here. here
This framework in the UK was launched in March 2007 and will be enforced this month ( Sept 2008) It covers what carers need to undertake for the development of children until they are accepted into reception (prep – or the year they turn five)
I just have horrific thoughts of regimented learning – children of 2 sat behind desks and told they can’t go and play with the sand pit until they play with the playdoh and create 5 beads in front of them ( or some other ridiculous rigid measuring format)
In Aust Margaret Morrissy ( key speaker for the Parents and Citizens Association) viewed her concerns
here
An well known quote often attributed to the Jesuits is “Give me a child for the first seven years, and you may do what you like with him afterwards.” Intimating that by then all beliefs and habits have been deeply entrenched. I am unsure that’s what the Jesuits actually meant and I know this has been twisted out of context many times… but makes you think…
Something else to think about here too. In most Science fiction worlds where civilizations has been torn apart from within and humans have little free thought or beliefs apart from what the government or state will allow them ….. starts with the indoctrination of children and begins in nurseries, child care.. way before they hit school.. makes me a bit nervous….
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